Perfect Spring Day

Looking out the window this morning I am greeted with what proposes to be a spectacular spring day. I have to say, this weather is my favourite time of year. Well, one of my favourite times of year. I also love May and June. Anyway, today promises to be perfect. Not hot, not cold, perfect. Even though I have lived in Queensland for most of my life, I am NOT a fan of summer. I don't mind the heat too much, it's the humidity that kills me. It's so draining and sticky. Hate feeling sticky. There's not much I can do about changing that. Actually, there's nothing I can do about changing that. I can, however, enjoy that wonderful invention, the air conditioner. I remember that when I was heavily pregnant with my Angel it was the middle of summer and I sat on the couch right in front of the air conditioner, feet up, trying to stay as cool as possible. Being heavily pregnant in summer is not fun.

But I digress, I'm talking about the weather, not being pregnant...hated being pregnant anyway, why would I want to talk about it? I'm going to try and spend a bit of time outside today. The herb garden needs redoing. I'll have to go to Bunnings to buy some herb seedlings so I can fill up the garden so that in a month or two it will look spectacular again. I love herb gardens. Herbs grow so quickly and need very little maintenance. I love being able to go and pick them when I need them for cooking too. Very handy indeed. The rest of the garden is in desperate need of some TLC too. That will have to wait for another day though.

Anyhoo...

Might even take the kids to the park too. Love this weather!

My God is Awesome

Logging onto Facebook this morning I was greeted with a link to YouTube that my brother had put up. It is a 10 minute clip of James May being flown to the edge of space. Being in that cockpit with him gives you a glimpse of the feelings and emotions he was having while the plane climbed higher and higher and the view of earth became more and more spectacular. At 70,000 feet the view is utterly breathtaking. It's simply indescribable. He made some comment about the sky being below them and eternity being above them. I couldn't help but think about our awesome God in heaven, who created the entire universe. The known universe is so unbelievably huge, and we are only a speck within it. Not even a speck. We are a speck on a speck. Then there is the unknown universe. It goes on for eternity, just like our God. My simple human mind can't grasp this concept. The fact that there has always been and always will be. The fact that there is no edge to the universe, it just goes on and on and on...

Today is Saturday, the Sabbath, the 7th day of the week. It's the day God rested from making our world. He blessed it and made it a holy day. A day for us to rest and spend time with Him. He cares so much about us, the specks, on a speck, on a speck... He cares for and loves us so much that He set aside this day every week so we can recharge and focus more on Him. He WANTS to spend time with us. Us mere humans with the evil nature. We are nothing compared to the universe, yet, at this time in eternity, we are the centre of it. We are amazingly loved!

How often do you think about this? How often do I think about this? Looking at that view of our Earth with James really puts our everyday lives in perspective. It's so easy to get caught up in the little things and make them big things in our minds. Looking at Earth from space and not being able to see any living creatures makes me see how small I am and that the things that I think are a big deal really aren't in the scheme of things. The trick is to remind oneself of this daily.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=james+may+from+top+gear+rides+in+a+U-2&search_type=&aq=f

A Modern Day Epidemic

WARNING If you are currently suffering from depression you may not want to continue reading. If you aren't currently suffering from depression then go for your life!

I have an illness called Depression. It's an illness I know a lot about. I have done my fair share of research about it. I have cried my fair share of tears because of it. Sometimes all day long, for no apparent reason. It's insidious, it's debilitating. It's an illness that is easily misdiagnosed and misunderstood. It's an illness that so many people suffer and don't even realise it. It's horrible, it's evil and I hate it!

I was 18 when I think it really reared it's ugly head. All of a sudden, I slept a lot. I cried a lot. I couldn't function normally or keep up with my peers. I was at college doing my first year of primary teaching. I didn't even get to finish the year out because I was so sick that I had to go home. I never went back. A doctor misdiagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That was the "in" illness at the time. If only he had looked further and seen that I was depressed and given me the correct treatment. My life would have turned out so differently. Instead I just plodded along, in a haze, unable to make good life choices or to even really enjoy life.

Fast forward a few years. I found a doctor who was able to help me. He put me straight on meds called Zoloft. What a relief! My moods were smoothed out somewhat. Not as many days feeling such deep, deep despair and when I did, it was nowhere near as bad. I was finally able to have some sort of control over how I felt and functioned. My thought patterns became more positive.

I have been on meds now for 12 years. There have been brief periods where I stopped taking it and went back down into the depths. I then self medicated with drugs and alcohol, which of course only exacerbates the problem. Such darkness...

A few years back I saw a psychiatrist who put me onto a new medication and I had a really bad episode one day. It was too strong and while at home, by myself, one day I was overcome with the most awful feelings and thoughts. I literally wanted to kill myself just to make it stop. I've had death thoughts before, but nothing like this. It was like being on speed, but a REALLY bad hit. I mean REALLY bad. The only thing I could think of to do was lie down and go to sleep. When I woke up a couple of hours later I was back to normal. It scared the absolute life out of me. I changed doctors.

I found a psychiatrist who put me onto Efexor XR, which I am still taking. I have no side effects from it and as long as I take it every single day, it controls my mood swings, anxiety and general depressive feelings. If I miss taking it one morning, by that evening my thought patterns are already changing for the negative and I become a bit irrational. My Baby always knows if I've missed it.

There is a lot of controversy about whether antidepressant medication should be taken or not. I can see why. It can be difficult to find the right drug for someone. Some meds do cause people to have psychotic episodes or commit suicide. I understand that, but I also understand that they may not be taking them correctly or following instructions. With some of the drugs, if you just stop taking them, they will cause a huge negative reaction in the brain. Hello! You are using powerful drugs on your brain! If you are monitored closely by a doctor and follow instructions then there shouldn't be a problem...most of the time.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of my journey with depression. I believe I have it for life. And that's ok. I know it can be controlled. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it or the fact that I have to take meds every day. I know a few people who are, but I'm not. It's normal for me. I understand how it all works because of my history with it and the massive ups and downs I've had with it. I'm very sad for people who don't have it under control because that never ending pit of despair and darkness is the most horrible place in the world to be. I don't wish it upon anybody.

On that note, have a happy day!

Bad Memory

I was driving home from dropping my Baby off at the airport this evening, thinking about what I could write on my blog tonight. It was a really good blog idea too. I now cannot remember it. I have a most annoying, bad memory. My Baby calls my brain 'swiss cheese' cos of my shocking memory. Sometimes I will walk into a room and forget why I went there, so I turn around and go back to where I was so I can try to remember what I was going to do. Alot of my life is a blur, or I just can't remember it. Friends or family will ask me if I "remember when", and alot of the time I just can't. All of school is a blur. Most of my teens are a blur. Some of my twenties are a blur. It's most frustrating!
Anyway, maybe tomorrow I'll remember what I was thinking to blog about.

My Name is Ky and I am an Introvert.

I am an introvert. I have ALOT of internal dialogue. It goes on ALL day long. Because of this, I do live in my own little world sometimes. (If you could read my brain, you'd find I am interesting and have a huge imagination, although a little warped at times). I do not say everything that comes into my head or share all my feelings like extroverts do. My Baby is an extrovert, so of course finds it difficult to understand why I am the way I am sometimes. On the flip side, I just don't get why he has certain points of view either, or why he sees the need to share so much. I can come across as emotionless . That doesn't mean I don't feel. I do feel, quite deeply. I just don't express it in a big way. I think that's why I like blogging and using Facebook. It's like a voice for introverts...and an extension for extroverts. I get to express myself and write what I am thinking. It's alot easier than having a conversation with someone.
So, I will continue to blog and I will continue to use Facebook as tools to express myself and socialise. By the way, you extroverts talk too much!!!