Little Champion

Our little champion, throwing hoops. Danny put this up for him yesterday and Monkey boy just loves it. He was out there at 7am today. It was 4C outside, but he didn't care. He just wanted to throw his basketball into the hoop.

Have a great weekend y'all. We're off to the snow.

~ Ky x

One Hundred and Eighty Degree Turn

My frame of mind has done a complete 180 degree turn since yesterday morning. I'm always amazed at how well the meds work. I feel very normal today. I'm in a great mood! Praise God!!!

The photo below is a representation of what my head space was like yesterday.

Monkey boy is the artist of this drawing. He knows his mothers head space so well.

I want to thank each of you for your support yesteday too. I was supported via phone, text msge, facebook and comments on that post. I'm just so sorry to know that some of you know exactly how I was feeling because you have this dreadful disease too. I love you all so deeply for caring, even though I didn't want the support at the time. xxxx...

Because of the way I was yesterday morning Monkey boy and I went shopping after Angel had been dropped off at school. I NEEDED this therapy. It helped a little. Thank you Salvos!

I found something that I have been keeping an eye out for. I love it! And it didn't cost very much.

I was using one of those very cheap, small clothes airers as a towel rack until I found something much more my style. I love a nice wood towel rack. The ends of this one remind me of church pews. Now I can't decide whether to leave it as is or paint it white. Danny wants me to leave it. I just can't decide. Typical!

After the op shop stop, we just had to stop at Bunnings. It's a favourite place for both the Monkey boy and I to visit. His latest thing is to push one of the kid size trolleys around and fill it with stuff that I don't need or want. I had to fight him to put back some metal letters and numbers yesterday. Apparently he NEEDED them. Well I didn't, and I'm the one with the money, so they went back on the hangers much to his disgust.

I bought this lavender plant. I love the lavender plants, but I can never seem to keep them alive. I'm going to try really hard this time. Really, really try.

Of course I'm not going to leave it in the plastic pot. Yuck no!

Also bought a big bag of mulch. Love some sugar cane mulch on the garden. I mainly bought it to cover a garden that I am doing at the moment, and yes, when it's done I will post photos. I need to put the mulch on now though cos the kids keep playing in it like it's a sand pit. It's not a sand pit, it's a dirt pit! Too, too messy! It's a garden that is rather close to the back door and I don't want the dirt coming into the house. It's hard enough keeping this place clean and tidy with this lot around.

It's just started raining again, so I think that job will just have to wait until the weather gets better...if it ever gets better.

Loads of laugh and laughter,

~ Ky x

The Downward Spiral

It's been slowly creeping, slowly building up and this morning it hit, like a bat out of hell! Insanity overtaking sanity in the everyday race of life. Anger, rage, frustration, lonliness, jealousy, tears, lots of tears. The pain is so deep and it really, really hurts!

The following is a transcript from a voice memo I recorded on my phone while driving to school this morning. I'm typing it up 3 hours later when my meds have kicked in. I can't believe the pain in my voice as I describe how I was feeling. It's so different to how I feel now.

"The pain it just...I don't even know how to say it. Maybe it's the endless grey days. Maybe its... the lonliness. Maybe it's the final realisation that it's been six months and I'm still living far away from the people who know me the best and who I have nowhere near enough contact with. Maybe it's the everyday routine of hour long round trips for school drop off and pick up. Maybe it's being with children ALL the time and not getting a break to be by myself...Maybe it's the fact that I missed my meds yesterday and todays meds haven't kicked in yet. But, argh.... the tears and the frustration and the pain, oh the pain...it just hurts. I don't know how to stop it. The tears come and the frustration and I want to curl up in a ball in the corner and scream and scream and scream and I don't want anyone to touch me or anyone to talk to me. I just want to be alone. Which makes it worse cos it makes you think that noone loves you, noone cares, noone understands. And in the back of your mind you know, part of you, the reasoning part of you comes out and you know that none of that is true, but the pain just pushes that away. It's so black. So black. It's so deep. And I know in an hour or two when the meds have kicked in I'll look back and I'll say.. .you are being so silly kylie, so silly. It's just so real at the time. You just want someone to reach out and embrace you and say I understand, I understand and I love you. God help anyone who suffers depression at anytime. It's such a  lonely, lonely place. It's horrible cos the kids do something and you scream at them. And they don't understand what they have done. Its just not fair, its just not fair...Anyway, I'm just trying to communicate what it is like to be in that pit. The despair, the fustration, the anger, the lonliness... its just raw. It's just so raw.*sigh* I hate it! Hate it, hate it, hate it so much! Argh, I really, really cannot miss my meds. Not now. I just feel like such a worthless, useless human being. Thats how I feel. Worthless. Useless. Unthought of. Unloved. Reason tells me that's not true. There is no reason when you feell like this. There is none! It doesn't even help talking about it. You just want someone to understand. And now I'm repeating my myself. "

Can you feel it? You may. You may not. If you heard how I sounded, you  may understand a little more. There were tears in my voice. Helplessness. Despair. Despondance. It was all there in my tone. I mostly spoke quietly with long pauses. Very sad to hear. It sounded like I was listening to a completely different person.

I'm not sharing this with you because I want empathy or sympathy. Heavens no! I'm sharing this because I want to make people more aware of what it means and feels to have depression. This is only a snippet of what it's like. Imagine living like that day in, day out. I only get like that when I miss my meds. Praise the Lord for meds that work!

~ Ky x

Just Rabbiting On Really

I don't have anything tremendously exciting to tell you or talk about today. Just thought I'd pop in and say hi. So... "Hi!"

My baby boy has been particularly cuddly today. It may have something to do with the fact that he has a very swollen lip from a crash he had yesterday. He learnt that there is a very good reason why Mum and Dad tell him not to jump on the bed. It's amazing how a swollen lip can change the appearance of a person. I think it makes him look even cuter and more edible.

I have been loving the extra cuddles I've been getting though.

Thought I'd show you the pink hyacinth I bought today. I bought it because it smells so pretty. Almost as good as the jonquils.

I thought of so many great things to write about today, but I can't seem to grasp any of those thoughts right now. It's so annoying when that happens. I spend nearly 2 hours in the car each day during the week and I often write blogs in my head as I'm driving along. They never stay there long enough for me to actually transform those thoughts into black and white on the computer screen.

I haven't taken any great photos lately either, so there's nothing to show. Haven't been anywhere exciting recently. Haven't done anything exciting recently

Geez, it's all just a bit boring really, isn't it? So sorry about that.

I'll really try to do better in the next couple of days. Hopefully my brain will be working a bit better by then.

Hope you have a great night...cos it's nearly night. I'm going to watch The Goodies later. Bit of a giggle after the younguns are tucked away in bed. There's nothing quite like a bit of British silliness to end the day with.

~ Ky x

Op Shop Treasure - An Illustrated Bible

Browsing through the Sacred Heart op shop on Chappell St this morning, I came across this old, illustrated King James Version Bible. I picked it up and flicked through it's well worn pages and decided that I just had to have it. I do love a book with old illustrations in it. These lovely old style illustrations are by the artist, John Turner. Disappointingly, there is nowhere inside this bible that shows when this edition was published.  

Ok, so it's not in perfect nick.

Cain and Abel

Noah's Ark

Abraham and Isaac

Joseph and his brothers

Israelites marching around the wall of Jericho

Samson

David and Goliath

Elijah's sacrifice

Daniel in the lion's den

Jonah being thrown overboard

Wisemen visit Baby Jesus

Simeon's blessing

The Good Samaritan

Jesus teaching his disciples

Pilate washing his hands of Jesus blood

The Resurrection

And sadly, there is no picture of the second coming of Christ.

These aren't all the pictures, but most of them.

I love to see an artists impression of stories from the bible. I'm a visual person and it helps to give the story more meaning for me.

Have a great weekend!

~ Ky x